Moving Forward
by silentwhisper381
Summary: After the war Hermione goes to Australia to return her parent's memories,but finds the effects are irreversible.Once she sees nothing can be done she spirals into a depression,shutting herself away from the world. Can Harry bring her back into reality?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note- I do not own Harry Potter so NO copyright intended. All characters belong to J.K Rowling except for the plot.**

_**This is my first story posted on fanfiction, so it may be a bit rough. It is a Harry/Hermione fic shortly taking place after the war (mostly written in Hermione's POV…maybe Harry later on). All comments are welcome. Enjoy!**_

_My body was slowly being engulfed by a cloud of darkness, for what seemed like an eternity. The wisps of black smoke teased my skin and made the hairs on my neck stand as my fear peaked. One more step to fully giving into the darkness that attracted every pore of my body. One more step until it was too late to turn back. One more step until I was completely alone. Something I considered undecided up to this point was either welcomed or feared._

My consciousnesses woke, but my body lay limp. I would have gotten up, but my whole body was unresponsive as I contemplated the meaning of the nightmare that "graced" me with its presence every other day for the past few weeks. Knowing my mom would come in screaming to get up, I got up and opened my eyes. My breath hitched as I took in my surroundings.

_'This isn't my room.'_

My thoughts became frantic as I searched my memories from the night before to explain my predicament. Soon the memories flooded back in all at once and my heart sank.

I was in Grimmauld Place. I had been in Grimmauld place for the past 3 weeks after coming back from my 'epic' journey to Australia. A journey that wasn't completely epic as everything I had hoped for crumbled into a million pieces. The plan was to go to Australia immediately after the fall of Voldemort and restore my parent's memories to their original states. It was the goal that kept me going throughout the rigorous war. Whenever my travels with Ron and Harry became almost unbearable, I would think of my parents out there and how one day they would remember they had a daughter. A daughter who contributed to making the world a safer place again. A happily ever after.

Reality however didn't seem to follow the rules of fairytale books, where the protagonist got whatever they wanted at the end.

I stared at the crack just above my dresser that seemed to be growing in length ever since I made it the first day I arrived from Australia to Grimmauld Place, my new home. A day that would forever haunt my memories…

_3 Weeks ago:_

_I apparated to the front door of my parent's new home. Not new to them since it would soon be a full year since they began inhabiting this house, but for me since it was something alien and strange to see compared to their original home in England. This house was smaller with a quaint garden thriving of beautiful colors in the front. It seemed to be a cozy abode for two people. _

_'Only two people'_

_That thought made my heart ache. My head was throbbing from all the blood trying to pump into my head at once. I was nervous naturally as I assumed my parents would yell into the next century once they found out their only daughter wiped out their memory, but ironically I also yearned for their scolding. Anything really that would prove that I did belong to them. The louder they yelled my name, the better the better I would feel that they remembered it._

_I slowly walked toward the front door and looked around at my surroundings to make sure I wasn't putting on a magic show for an unsuspecting muggle. Once everything seemed clear I discreetly took out my wand and whispered, "Alohomora," The unlocking spell. I quickly observed my surroundings again before stealthily walking into the house. _

_I wasn't surprised to hear the 8 o'clock morning news as soon as I walked in. This was a routine that would never change for my parents as I silently smirked. Even if the house was different I could smell the familiar scents that were always inviting during my childhood. Even the small words my parents would exchange, along with the clatter of silverware, and background noise of the television took me back to the years before the war. Heck even before Hogwarts and before magic!_

_I snuck in closer toward their sounds, hoping my parent's backs were toward me before I lifted the obliviate spell permanently. I caught sight of my mother first who was wearing a blue blouse facing the television screen and then my dad who was doing the same before I lifted my wand and whispered the counter curse._

_They were still for a few seconds and then they resumed their earlier actions of eating and talking like nothing happened. _

_'That's strange…'_

_But then it hit me they were doing the exact same routine when I first cast the memory spell a year ago so naturally they didn't realize the difference right away. _

_Without hesitation I spoke up first, no longer waiting for a visible reaction to occur from the spell._

_"Mom…. Dad…it's me Hermione." I announced initially with a weak voice, but then sounded confident._

_"I'm back…i..it's me…your daughter." I continued as I began to shake from the pent up emotion I had been holding in since I first apparated to their home. By then my parents were turned facing me with distant stares that soon became stares of utter shock._

_My mother was first to speak and the next words that slipped from her mouth caught me off guard._

_"How did you get in our home?" She whispered, "Is there anyone with you? What are your intentions? Are you here to rob us?" Every single question she spoke louder than the last. _

_I was so preoccupied with my mother I hadn't noticed my father dialing the emergency number into the house phone that was lying next to him. I looked at both of them in horror._

_"I don't know why you're here, but I've contacted the authorities so it would be wise to leave," My father declared in a serious tone before his face softened to the father I used to know and continued, " unless your in need of medical assistance then I would stay because you seemed to be confused earlier claiming you our daughter." _

_My mother stared at my father in disbelief while occasionally glancing in my face and then my wand. _

_The next seconds of silence were painful as the couple looked at me like a stranger. I continued to stare at both my parents praying that the spell would take a few more seconds before kicking in, but nothing. They were still looking at me like an insane patient escapee waiting for me to say something. _

_I was about to lift my wand to repeat the spell when the next words that left my mothers mouth scarred me for the rest of my life._

_"You're confused. I've never had a daughter in my life. This is our only family….me and my husband." She stated as she looked from my face to my wand and to my face again._

_I turned away finally letting my tears spill for the first time since I arrived. I didn't take another glance at my parents as I made my way to the exit. After fully shutting the door I leaned against it and sank to the ground with my head in my hands. I could have stayed there all day lying to myself that it was a nightmare, but was brought back into reality when I heard distant sirens approaching. I willed myself to apparate away from the house with only one thought._

_'They're safe'_

_I apparated to the first place I knew I was safe to be unbothered. Grimmauld Place. _

_Harry was the only inhabitant for the moment with a vast supply of empty rooms and had mentioned sharing the place with Ron, and me but I said I would think about it after returning my parents to England if they wished._

_I quickly arrived and heard noises in the kitchen. I ignored them and made my way upstairs running to the nearest empty room before locking the door and casting a silencing charm. I stood still rocking on my heels waiting to hear someone follow me up the stairs, but no such thing happened. Once I was convinced my presence in the house was unknown I began moving again._

_I had no idea what to do with myself as I paced around the room. I was livid, angry, confused, and most importantly devastated. _

_'They're safe…they're safe' I kept telling myself that to calm down, but it made me more anxious. _

_Then I hit a breaking point._

_I marched toward the wall and slammed my fist just above a dusty abandoned dresser putting all my weight into the blow. When I removed myself from the wall I examined the damage. My knuckles were beginning to bleed and there was a single crack where my fist used to be._

_I needed that. I no longer felt anxious and my thoughts became clearer and less chaotic. I sank to the floor drained of my energy and leaned my head against the dresser._

_The only thoughts that went through my mind now were 'They're safe…but they don't remember me.'_

_**A/N- Did you like it? There were probably some grammatical errors, but I was anxious to upload my first story so it's expected :D I'll try to update soon! Please comment!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Wow I know its been a long time since I updated and I'm sorry :( I could give you a lot of excuses, but I'm sure you just want to get to the story. Enjoy!**

_Last chapter-_

_I marched toward the wall and slammed my fist just above a dusty abandoned dresser putting all my weight into the blow. When I removed myself from the wall I examined the damage. My knuckles were beginning to bleed and there was a single crack where my fist used to be._

_I needed that. I no longer felt anxious and my thoughts became clearer and less chaotic. I sank to the floor drained of my energy and leaned my head against the dresser._

_The only thoughts that went through my mind now were 'They're safe…but they don't remember me.'_

I continued to stare at the crack over my dresser when the sound of human life downstairs brought me back into reality. Life still continued despite my miserable situation. I closed my eyes and pictured the scene downstairs. Kreacher would be cracking the eggs over the frying pan right now as Ginny made her way to the kitchen in her robes to help.

It was the summer before her 7th year in Hogwarts and she spent her time helping Kreacher clean the house into a habitable home. On her free time however she would go to 'outings' with Neville as their relationship had progressed immensely past friendship since Harry, Ron, and I had left in search of the Horcruxes. She still expressed affection towards Harry, but nothing that ever suggested they were more than friends. Harry did the same without trouble and seemed content with their positions they had chosen.

Harry would soon accompany them with the morning paper tucked under his arm and Ron would come rushing behind Harry's heels as he was always rushing to get to Auror training.

Ron, Harry, and I had received multiple job offers without the requirement of our NEWTS, but Ron was the only one to jump on the wagon at the first job offer of Auror. Harry had decided to continue his education and attend the last year that was taken away from us do to the war. He no longer wished to pursue being an Auror when all he longed for now was a life to settle down into a life of normalcy that had been taken away from him. He did deserve it after all he's done for the wizarding world.

Through this past three weeks I had observed my friends find places in the world that had become a strange entity to me. It was hard to feel I belonged in this foreign place that held no memories of my parents. My parents, who always pertained to the muggle world and were the bridge to my childhood and normal life before magic, no longer knew of my existence. I no longer knew what to strive for. I no longer held interests in anything I did anymore. Colors became dull, food lost its taste, and I no longer had intentions of using magic. I didn't despise all magic, just MY magic. Magic had always lead me toward a path that eventually brought me to where I am today and since the day I had discovered my parent's memories were hopelessly gone I haven't even picked up my wand once. I was starting to think the war should have taken me as one of its victim…

_Day 1_

_I woke up in a strange angle, pressed against the dresser with something jabbing my side. I readjusted my body and pulled out the object causing discomfort and discovered it was just my wand. _

_I stared around the room noticing all the spider webs I had overlooked the day before. It gave me chills knowing I had shared the room with all the little 'inhabitants' that lived here. _

_I got up from my position, ignoring the throbbing headache that was starting to set in, and began constructing a plan that would lead in me in the direction of getting what I needed._

_A way to return my parents memories._

_I paced around the room as my brain went down a list of several options I could take. There had to be another way other than the one I had already tried. There was no way I was giving up without fully investigating my current situation. My first option was the Hogwarts library, but found it impossible to think that I had missed any information on memory charms available at Hogwarts. _

_I stopped in mid stride as it clicked. _

_I was going to have to go to the experts who dealt with memory charms for a living. St. Mungo's Hospital._

_All I had to do was consult with a healer and explain my situation to hopefully receive answers and results. I smiled at the thought of this nightmare being over and ran toward the door yanking it toward me in anticipation in reaching my 'happy ending'._

_I made my way down the stairs almost tripping on myself before meeting with a wand pushed against my back._

_"Show yourself." Harry whispered hoarsely._

_I turned around to see a half-asleep Harry 2in. away from my face. We both remained silent until Harry finally registered who I was and where we were._

_"I'm sorry Hermione. I didn't….I forgot….The wars over and this kind of thing isn't necessary." Harry stammered as he lowered his wand._

_"It's alright! It's my fault for making so much noise this early in the morning!" I said as I inched closer to the exit._

_"What are you doing here by the way? I thought you would be at your parent's place catching up." Harry questioned as he eyed her suspiciously._

_"Oh I was there! I just wanted to let you know everything went well with the memory charm. Sorry I frightened you so early in the morning," I laughed nervously, " I guess I was just excited. Well I'll be on my way back now." I turned away toward the door ready to make my way toward the exit._

_Right before I had my hand on the door knob Harry spoke up, "Hermione are you sure everything's alright? Your not yourself."_

_" Of course. Everything is perfect and as it should be." I said and turned to give a convincing smile._

_Harry's tense shoulders relaxed at my words as he nodded in agreement. I bid my farewell and left Grimmauld Place._

_I couldn't drag Harry into my predicament, when he finally had the opportunity to relax. It was unnecessary, as I knew this problem would be fixed soon. On that happy note, I apparated to St. Mungos Hospital. _

_**A/N- How is it going so far? Likes…dislikes...Please comment so I can read your thoughts :D I'll try to update soon.**_

_**P.S- Thank you for all who have subscribed. I really appreciate it and I hope I can upload my next chapter sooner for all of you who are waiting.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- A long time since I updated and I'm sorry :( I had to figure out a few things before continuing with this story; also since I'm now going to be a Senior I've had trouble with deciding on colleges but enough of that I'm sure you just want to get to the story. Enjoy!**

_Last chapter-_

_Right before I had my hand on the door knob Harry spoke up, "Hermione are you sure everything's alright? Your not yourself."_

_" Of course. Everything is perfect and as it should be." I said and turned to give a convincing smile._

_Harry's tense shoulders relaxed at my words as he nodded in agreement. I bid my farewell and left Grimmauld Place._

_I couldn't drag Harry into my predicament, when he finally had the opportunity to relax. It was unnecessary, as I knew this problem would be fixed soon. On that happy note, I apparated to St. Mungos Hospital._

**A/N -By the way this chapter is a continuation of Hermione's flash back, 3 weeks before the present time just in case some of you had forgotten or were unaware in the first place :D.**

_I arrived with a pop in St. Mungo's Hospital. Without hesitation I walked through the front door and was hit with a chaotic scene. Healers were rushing behind patients trying to get them back into their rooms while other patients were rushing behind the healers trying to get assisted. At the end of the war there were quite a few cases of people recovering from the Imperius curse after months of being used. Some went back into their lives in a state of 'normalcy,' however some went into a state of shock and required further psychological assistance from healers. As a result the Hospital had its hand full with them and many who remained physically injured from the final battle at Hogwarts. _

_The more I looked around, the more stares I received from patients and healers. Time seemed to stop at that moment as I became more self conscious under all the stares and then I cursed myself for forgetting the position I was in. It had only been 72 hours since the fall of Voldemort and my status in society had become almost equal to Harry's as I was part of the Golden Trio that had helped save the Wizarding world. I had to handle my situation with care or everyone here and their relatives would know of my problem. News would most likely spread like wild fire and my efforts in keeping this from my friends would be futile._

_I sought to look for a familiar face in the crowd as I thought to myself, 'There must be someone here I can trust.' There were only a select few who knew what I had done to my parents in the first place. The Weasley's, Harry, and the rest of the Order were informed of my predicament naturally, but even telling them was hard enough. I couldn't imagine filling in someone new with my secrets._

_Suddenly I felt someone tap my shoulder, and as I turned relief washed over me._

_"Neville! I'm glad to see you," I let out a breath, "What are you doing here? Oh, wait scratch that I really need your help with something. Is there somewhere less crowded where we could talk?" I said as I took a furtive glance at the crowd that started forming around us. _

_"Right." Neville understood as he too had become uncomfortable with the attention._

_Soon he led me through the chaos toward the Healer's break room that had remained vacant since the final battle, Neville explained. On the way there he brought across the reason he was there. _

_" Well since the battle I've stayed here trying to help the Healers. Madame Pomfrey personally chose me to assist her with the garden behind the hospital as many of the herbs there contain healing components of all kinds. One specific herb that's been quite useful so far has helped many of the imperiused patients regain the memories they've lost… if they wish to do so." He said with a pained expression._

_After hearing more details concerning his duties in the hospital we arrived to the break room. Before even asking, Neville had already raised his wand to lock the door and casted the muffliato spell. _

_"Sorry, just a precaution…you know." He said nodding toward the door._

_I guess he too was still running on his nerves from the War. I still don't know how much time would have to pass before we all started understanding the meaning of the word safe._

_A silent understanding passed between us before he broke my thoughts and said, "So Hermione," Neville paused, "I know this has to be important since you, Ron, and Harry refused to be admitted to the hospital after the battle." _

_It was true, but we really didn't need to be treated for anything other than a few cuts and malnutrition. These were things that could be fixed in the privacy of our own homes, and actually it was preferred that way. Ron had his mother at the Burrow to fill him up with the foods he had missed for the past few months and Harry had the option of being served by Kreacher at Grimmauld place._

_'Ugh home. I still didn't have one.' The thought almost brought tears to my eyes, but it also set my thoughts back on the task I needed to do. Luckily Neville was part of the order and was aware of the spell I had cast on my parents at the start of the War. This would definitely move things exponentially faster._

_"Neville…" My voice shook but I was determined to fix things as quickly as possible. _

_Once I had recounted my trip to Australia, back to Grimmauld, and then the hospital my throat felt raw from speaking._

_By the end of it Neville understood my sense of urgency._

_"Accio memory loss records." Neville said as he swished his wand toward the corner of the room where a shelf of assorted books was located._

_Once he held the book in his possession he eyed me carefully as he said, " Now Hermione it's difficult to tell you this, so I rather show you what I've learned about memory charms. These are recent records kept on patients who have lost their memories. A healer felt it necessary to research the differences between those who were able to regain their memories with the counter spell…and those who weren't."_

_Not only was Nevilles uneasy stare making me uncomfortable, but also his words. _

_'If he knew why my spell didn't work, why wasn't he telling me?'_

_I quickly snatched the book out of his hand and opened it to see the numerous records._

_I was completely distracted with the book that I barely heard Neville say; "I'll leave you to it then. I'll be in the Cafeteria. As soon as you're done you can come find me if you wish to talk."_

_I nodded my head, as my eyes never left the book. Once I heard the door close I quickly tried to see what Neville knew that I didn't. I hated being left in the dark! Couldn't Neville just plainly tell me what I didn't know about the memory charms? Unless… the answer he would have given me wasn't the one I was looking for. If that were the case I would have demanded to see all the sources he had acquired his information from. He knew me well enough and made the right decision in just giving me all the information available._

_ 30 minutes had passed and I still couldn't see the difference between the two groups of patients. Some memory charms were broken right away, while others took months, but why? Soon I began to see the trend and my heart sank. _

_ The reaction of the counter curse was instantaneous for Pure Bloods. Between Half-Bloods the reaction varied for every Witch/Wizard depending on which side of the family they received their magical genes from. Reactions of the counter curse worked better if the Witch/Wizard received their genes from their mother's side rather than their fathers. Only a small amount of Half-Bloods didn't regain their memories and in all those cases the magical side resided in the father's side of the family. As for Muggle-Borns…only a small percentage regained their memory, almost next to none. _

_Now Muggles…I could see where this was going, but I had to finish the book to be absolutely sure my answer was consistent. When I went through to the second to last page of the book my fears were answered. That was the last document shown before the last page where it summarized everything I had just found out for myself. There was no reported case of any muggle regaining their memories. _

_My mind was in a frenzy as my heart sank. So many emotions passed through my body but the strongest one that was left lingering… was anger._

_'Why had they let me do it? I told everyone what I was planning before I committed this irreversible act. Someone must have known! Mcganagall and the other Order members assured my actions were safe. Someone could have stopped me! How could this information be brought to my attention now! Why didn't I look further into this?'_

_I quickly looked back at the last page of records and saw the date they had all been collected. 2 months ago. I looked more closely and realized that the binding was practically new. They had barely begun researching this issue months ago._

_' Something as trivial as blood was the cause and no one had dared to try researching this until now?' I stood up from my seat and balled my hands into fist, 'Someone would have to be held responsible!' I thought to myself, 'I can't accept my predicament to be merely bad luck. Maybe the Healer! Yes…but…' and then it clicked. _

_The healer was the only innocent one. Everyone else who had shoved aside these issues for years were the guilty ones and I was amongst them. I had opportunities to look further into the effects of the charms and the probability of success. I had even scheduled a date to meet with a healer to look at their records a month before I wiped my parents clean of their memory of me, but I kept putting it off. I was too confident in myself that I knew all there was to it and that it would go fine. The reassurance of the Order members just added to that fire. I had made the ultimate mistake and then reality hit me harder than it ever had before… I deserved this fate._

_I felt disgusted with myself as bile rose up my throat, but nothing came out. I tried yelling, screaming without any sound passing through my lips. There was no air coming into my mouth. I clutched at my chest as I felt my heart beat race without oxygen and soon all the colors in the room became dimmer…and dimmer. I dropped down to my knees and felt someone's hand behind my head before it hit the ground and everything went black._

**A/N- Please review! I want to hear your thoughts on how the story is going so far. On those who have stayed subscribed to this story, I apologize for my absence again and I'm glad you've remained subscribed. I will come up with the next chapter soon :D**

**Happy 4****th**** of July everyone!**


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